On the plane, I was listening to a podcast in Japanese by Learn Japanese with Tanaka-san (highly recommend btw). The topic was on careers. This line resonated with me:

I was so torn between choosing a safe path or taking a risky path. I consulted a friend and she said, “Choosing a new path may be unsettling but wouldn’t staying on the safe path leave you feeling uneasy too?”

– Learn Japanese with Tanaka-san (6:30)

I think that captured why I wanted to take a break so badly. I hadn’t quite figured out what I truly wanted to do, but I knew that it wasn’t good to continue to move forward with so much uneasiness.

“What do you do?” is often one of the first questions people ask each other when they first meet. Somehow, our jobs and who we are us a person have become intertwined. Even though it’s obvious that it’s okay to be unemployed (and it can be outside of your control too!), it was hard to see value in myself, especially if I knew I wasn’t providing some sort of value. My whole life I was either a student or working — I clearly knew what to do in order to provide value: get good grades or do a good job at work. But more than being useful, it felt good to dedicate myself to accomplishing something…anything. Eventually, I hit a point where I didn’t feel like I was accomplishing anything that actually mattered and I knew I had to invest in myself more.

I wanted to discover who I was outside of work and outside of responsibilities that I have to others. It’s no surprise that working a set schedule for most of your week will drain you and leave you able to only do a few things in your free time: take care of your health, take care of your relationships, take care of your spirit, etc. Or just lie in bed, scrolling on your phone until dark — which I may have done more than a handful of times…

That’s why I really wanted to take advantage of my free time and my saved up money from living with family.¹ Some things that I have done over the past few months:

• I took myself on solo dates. So freeing! Also learning to appreciate time alone instead of ~feeling lonely~.
• I challenged myself by signing up for a kpop academy program where we would have to sing and perform in front of others. Even though I was bad at it, I didn’t die! I survived through the embarrassment!
• I went on a 2-week solo trip to Europe (for the first time!) where I met friends, old and new.
• I started to attend therapy consistently.
• Spending more time with family.
• Lastly, I’m starting this blog to both write more and share my interests! I have a tons more left that I want to do and will continue to do.

I wanted to share just a few of the main lessons that I learned after all these experiences:

• Slow down and use your senses to enjoy your surroundings more. Whether you’re living in a city or really busy with work, life today can be pretty fast-paced. On top of that, there is the additional pressure to always be doing something and to always be someone. But doing nothing is good. And you are okay as you are. Spending a little bit more time to appreciate my surroundings and being alive in this moment has grounded me and reminded me of what is really important.

• Guidance really helps. I’ve prided on myself being independent throughout my whole life, but there are times where reaching out and getting a little push from someone else can help propel you forward — especially when you’re stuck. Summon that courage to cold email! Or reconnect with an old friend. Whether in therapy or with career help, I’ve slowly gathered the advice I need to heal and take my next steps.

• If there’s something you want to do, you’ll find a community for it. If you want to do something, chances are there is someone out there that has done it before or wants to do it! I found inspiration in Sailor HG and other creative coders. I met more creative coders in a discord community called Okay Devs. In my experience working in software development, things like animation, artistic, and flavorful design choices would be less prioritized or sparingly used in favor of what fulfills the goal and achieves it the most efficiently. But to find a community where people are actually focusing on both the art and optimization is so validating.

• Fear is always going to be present in our lives, and we have to learn how to live with it. If I could live life like a rock, I honestly would. Okay half-joking, but there are emotions only humans can feel, so it only makes sense to embrace the whole human experience, whether it’s the dread of the passage of time or fear. Sure, fear is an important survival mechanism to tell us when we should gtfo out of a situation. But it can be a bit overboard, like my anxiety at the thought of going to any social event. Nothing in life is guaranteed, but it’s a guarantee that absolutely nothing will happen if you avoid what you fear. As long as its not dangerous to do so, there are many times where fear isn’t a legitimate reason to NOT do something. In fact, I think taking action because you are afraid makes it so much more worthwhile. Don’t give into fear and let that develop into a habit as I did.

• When life gives you shit, use it as fertilizer. There were a few upsetting events that happened in my life. I got covid while alone in a foreign country and have been dealing with family troubles. It hurt, the people I cared about hurt, but what was different from previous hardships I went through was that I felt like I could get through this. I felt strong enough and that this wouldn’t break me. And I think this applies to everyone — you are stronger than you think.

• Unemployed community wassup? I found myself relating less to people complaining about their 9-5 jobs. If I was still employed, I probably would have felt some camaraderie but all I could really think when hanging out with friends in traditional office jobs was “Thank god I’m not employed lol”. Luckily I was able to connect with others in a similar situation as me and that made this whole process feel so much less lonely.

Additional Relevant Links

• Be aware of anything you’re sacrificing for work
  • “Too many people bring the best of themselves to work, and bring the leftovers home.” Esther Perel
• A great twitter thread about advice on taking a sabbatical (alternative if you don’t have an account)
• Book summary on a book that helped me think about what I’m passionate about in life

1. I think it is important to note that taking an extended time off from work may not be something most people can financially afford to do, especially unplanned. Also since layoffs still happening, it could happen to any of us at anytime, whether we want to or not. It’s always a good idea to have a few months savings and take advantage of unemployed time if you happen to end up in the same boat as me. ↩︎